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Sunday, April 23, 2006

Rock bottom is when I donít get out of my chair all day long and donít turn on the computer at all. Thatís the point I hit yesterday, and itís why thereís no entry for that day. I didnít take a shower or change out of the clothes Iíd worn since I put them on Friday morning. I hadnít shaved since Wednesday. You wouldnít have wanted to be around me.

This morning I woke up thinking I was a lot better, but it turned out I wasnít as much better as I thought. At least the persistent cough that kept me down yesterday wasnít as bad, but my head is still stuffed up and my throat is still pretty sore.

Somehow I found enough energy today to turn on the computer, and even get some work done. If I donít do it, it doesnít get done, and there are people who depend on me, so I feel some responsibility to work through the bad times. I didnít really have a choice yesterday, because I could hardly move my body at all, but thatís why I took advantage of a little surge today.

I tried not to try to do too much today, but it was too tempting. Everything around here has been neglected for so long. It was as if the debris of my life was piling up around me, and I had to start sorting through it. I didnít last very long, though, and by tonight I was suffering again. Itís at times like this that I feel as if it will never end. I know it will, but I donít know when.

13 April 2006

Clouds in formation.

On top of everything else, Iíve lost partial use of my right arm. Last night I had to change the bottle in my water cooler, the one physical act I tried to do all day. I guess I was a little weak from not eating for three days, because I had a hard time lifting the full five-gallon bottle (no trouble taking off the empty one). I lost my grip and either pulled or strained a muscle in my arm. It was sore just after I did it, but even sorer this morning. If itís not one thing, itís another.

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In last nightís game (which the Giants won, 6-4), Rockies reliever Jose Mesa made good on a promise to hit Giants shortstop Omar Vizquel with a pitch. Itís the second time Vizquel has stood in against Mesa since the threat was made, and the second time Mesa hit Vizquel, all because of comments made in a book Vizquel wrote several years ago. As baseball etiquette demands, todayís Giant starter, Matt Morris, hit a batter in the first inning, and that would have ended the feud except that the umpires completely mishandled the situation. Morris was thrown out later in the first for hitting another batter, even though circumstances showed there was no intent. That forced the beleaguered Giants bullpen to go the rest of the game, which turned out to be ten innings. Before it was over, four batters had been hit, two pitchers and both managers ejected, and the credibility of the umpiring crew totally called into question. The Giants bullpen responded beautifully, but in the end it was the Rockies who were able to push across a run in the tenth for a 3-2 win. Donít think this is over, because the two teams play each other 15 times this season. And oh, by the way, Jose Mesa is a punk and should have been thrown out of yesterdayís game as soon as he hit Vizquel. If the umpires had any clue, thatís what would have happened and it never would have escalated this way.

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One year ago: Atypical
"I think cats sense those things."

Two years ago: Dull Blade
"It's a small planet we live on. (I'm assuming you live on the same one I do.)"

Three years ago: Reaction
"If you don't know the context, you can't predict what you'll do. Absolutes and certainties are for preachers, pundits and politicians, mostly the last of these."

Four years ago: Overshadowed
"I don't know who he is, but most of the time I think he's everybody who isn't me."

Five years ago: Bye Bye Birdie
"Just when I got used to having them in my house, something larger and noisier has moved in."

Six years ago: Where Am I?
"I'm feeling tonight as if I've pushed a reluctant Buick up Mount Tamalpais."

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