One of these weeks there will be a Monday with no glitches. This wasnít it. This was the Monday when I got berated by the staff for last weekís glitches. Itís no fun living in the past, and itís really no fun getting dragged through it behind Timís massive company-bought-and-paid-for pickup truck.
When he phoned me at the crack of nine oíclock this morning, the first thing he said was, ďI know this isnít your fault.Ē Thatís what he always says, with all the sincerity he can fake.
It turns out three of his guys didnít get their paychecks on time. This isnít my fault because (a) I mailed them at the same place and time I do every week, and (2) I mailed them at the place and time Tim told me to mail them. That would be at the post office on Wednesday morning, so that they donít get to his guys too early. Because if his guys get paid on Thursday, chances are theyíll be too drunk to show up for work on Friday.
At first he wanted me to overnight the paychecks every week. I donít know exactly what he had in mind, FedEx or UPS or DHL or Pony Express. Any of those options would have required me to do extra work, and Iím not up for that. I donít want to have to stand in line at the Pony Express office every Wednesday morning. I donít want to have to fill out forms and double wrap a package with heavy duty butcher paper sealed with plastic strapping tape. Or whatever.
Of course I had a suggestion. Tim, if you get me the time cards by Saturday, I can mail the paychecks on Monday, giving them little chance of arriving late. That doesnít solve the problem of their arriving early, however. So weíve worked out a new plan that involves the least possible extra work for me (which is what I was going for all along).
Now heís going to get me the time cards on Monday and Iím going to mail them by Priority Mail in a flat rate envelope on Tuesday. Theyíre all going to be mailed to his house, to be distributed at his discretion. In other words, after the bars close.