For the last several years I’ve been stuck to the wall. That’s how long it’s been since my last cordless phone went kerflooey. Those batteries only last so long, and the replacements aren’t that easy to come by, so I’ve been using an old-fashioned (I guess they say “corded” now) phone. It’s almost indestructible, and it works even when the electricity goes out.

Then a few weeks ago my indestructible corded phone stopped working, so I bought a new cordless. I didn’t bother to tell the Boss when the corded one started working again. By that time it was too late anyway, and besides, I’d already ordered some features that would only work with the new phone. The day after I got it, I had call waiting, caller ID, and call waiting ID. It’s only costing me (that is, the Boss) another twelve dollars a month.

It’s actually quite liberating not to be tied to the wall, as anyone who has been tied to the wall will probably tell you. I immediately filled up half of the phone book memory with all of the numbers I could think of. I ran out of friends early on and started putting in the Boss’s girlfriends and other numbers that he might call from, so that I’d recognize the number before I answered. It just seemed to make sense.

But all the speed dialing options don’t hold a candle to the one feature I never suspected I’d use as much as I do. I’m now an almost exclusively speaker-phone talker. When I’m calling someone, I hit the speaker button before dialing. When it rings, I hit the speaker button to answer. As someone who has never had a cell phone, I now think I’m super cool because I can talk to anyone without holding a piece of plastic up to my ear.

Now I no longer have to stop shaving or chopping onions when the phone rings. Sometimes the sound coming in fades out when I put the phone down, because the speaker is on the opposite side from the microphone. I call that a design flaw, but I’ve overcome it. A simple toilet paper roll is just the right size to hold the phone up at the proper height. (Or, if I want it a little higher, I can use a paper towel roll instead.)

Mostly, though, I just like walking around and talking out loud, as if there’s someone in the room with me and not at the end of a tinny connection.

It helps that I live alone, and out in the country where the ambient noise is less trafficky and more crickety. On those rare occasions when I have a visitor, that person can be part of the conversation (or can just listen in quietly) if I have to take a call. And for some reason when I’m talking on the speaker phone, the words come freer and my mood is lighter. I don’t know why that is, but I’ll keep on with the experiment and see if I come up with an answer.