Necessity and lethargy shoved me back and forth like a pair of sixth grade bullies today (and thatís a class of humanity that Iím only too familiar with, even lo these many years later). Necessity won, more or less. It won in the sense that whatever I absolutely had to do today did get done. Lethargyís role was keeping me from doing all the rest, the things I wanted to get behind me. Those tasks, Iím afraid, are still in front of me, and now with four days left in the week instead of five
The proof of my productivity lies in the pile of outgoing mail on the corner of my desk. Itís a little higher than youíd expect it to be on a Monday, mostly because Iím now cook— er, keeping the books for two companies instead of one. I did the payroll for the three kennel employees today, but I couldnít do my own because (sigh) I didnít get time cards from Tim. If I have to do a special payroll run just so I can make my rent payment on time, I will not be happy.
And yet thatís what it seems to be coming down to. I might end up doing half of the company payroll on each side of the first of the month, and Iím deliberately not thinking about what that will do to my already ragged bookkeeping system. Iím trying so hard not to let them know how much all this is affecting me, and yet I myself see it every day, in the way things get done less efficiently, or in a less timely manner, or in some cases not at all.
It will all catch up with me at some point, like Lucy at the candy factory. Iím still at the point where she can shovel them into her mouth, but Iím reaching the next level, where she stuffs them down her blouse. Knowing how that scene ends is disturbing (and not as funny as it used to be, frankly).