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Saturday, November 29, 2003

Maybe it was just the thought of diving into all that work that's been piling up, but something turned a pretty good morning into a fairly rotten afternoon. I was feeling up to the job, and then I looked at what I've been putting off and suddenly I was down for the count one more time. Even so, this was my best day (physically) in a week.

It just seems that I can't quite sustain the feeling of wellness for more than a few hours at a time. I think it's that I start feeling a little better and try to do more than I should, and that sets me back. I have to learn to pace myself better. That's a hard thing for me even to say, because I always feel that I pace myself a little too well. As an inveterate procrastinator, the only time I feel pressured to do something is just before the deadline.

But I do feel that I'm on the road back now, finally. I had an awful time trying to sleep through the coughing fits last night, but I slept in this morning until 11:00 am! I couldn't even believe it when I rolled over in bed and looked at the digital clock and it was 11:00. It's been a long time since I've slept that late. That was routine when I was younger, but even on weekends I get up earlier nowadays.

I got through the morning without taking any pills or feeling much distress. The stuffy head and slimy throat are still with me, but whenever I'm at a point where if I can breathe through my nose (even just one nostril), I feel like a healthy man. After a quick trip to the post office, I was planning to start working, but I just didn't have it. I told myself that anything I could do today I could do just as well tomorrow, because nobody will know about it until Monday anyway.

Now there's just the matter of actually getting myself to do something tomorrow. I'm hoping this trend toward wellness continues and I feel even better. I have to, really. I can't afford to waste another day pampering myself and catering to my debilitated condition. This has to end, and soon.

29 November 2003

The autumn sky through the branches of the old oak.

I'll tell you a secret. Since before I went on vacation, I've been thinking about reorganizing my CDs. No kidding. It's the thing I do to comfort myself, the way some people shop or redecorate or plant flowers or— you know, some other thing. I find some new classification system and put all my many hundreds of CDs in a different order.

Naturally, I couldn't do anything about it before the cruise because I didn't have time. And I was too busy after we got home to get started on the project. Then I got sick, and I have all the time in the world but no energy. I know that if I tried to do anything I'd make myself sicker. So I just keep thinking about it and planning and hoping for a chance.

It's become a kind of obsession, even though it's far down on the list of ways I should be spending my time. Maybe being unable to function is a way of reminding me that I need to use my time a little more suitably. Or maybe I'll feel better in the morning and get started with the A's and B's. (Let's see, Paula Abdul comes before Cannonball Adderley, right?)

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