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Thursday, November 18, 2004

I made a determined effort to be happy today, or at least upbeat. I tried hard not to let the pressure get to me, and for most of the day it worked. I made it to mid afternoon without a meltdown.

Then, at about 3 pm, something hit me, hard. I donít know what it was or where it came from, but I was reeling, dizzy and lightheaded, and a little short of breath. If I didnít know better, Iíd think Iíd contracted sudden-onset malaria. I had to lie down. In the middle of the day.

Somehow I rallied, but I felt weak. I know it wasnít hunger that was doing this to me, because Iíd eaten breakfast and lunch. Could it have been stress, do you think? Iíve been on edge all week over this first billing cycle at The Kennel.

It wasnít that I didnít want to do the billing, or didnít think I could do it. It was simply that I couldnít get started until I had some information, and I didnít know what that information was. And nobody was communicating with me, so I wasnít even sure anyone was worrying about this but me.

Iím getting stressed all over again, just remembering.

16 November 2004

Cloudy sky.

Somehow I got through it, and itís a good thing I did, because all the information I was looking for came through at about 5:30 pm. Of course I started working on it immediately, and I spent two hours getting the billing notices ready.

I made it halfway through the list before I hit a brick wall and couldnít continue without some input. I could have phoned the Boss and asked my question, but I chose not to. I think that would have put me back on Stress Row, and I didnít need to push myself over the edge when it was so easy to get there in the first place.

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Iím still a little weak tonight, but Iím feeling a whole lot better about the volume of work I have to get through. I know I have most of the information I need for this billing, and I know how to get the rest of it. If it was stress that knocked me sideways today, I know I wonít let it happen again.

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One year ago: Foreshortened
"While I was on the planet Vacation, it seemed that I'd dropped out of real life and into a warmer, softer, friendlier world. Then I got dropped back into this one and it's been a bit of a shock, like a rock hitting the windshield."

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