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Friday, January 13, 2006

This isnít working out the way I hoped it would. I have all this time to get things done, but I canít seem to keep at it. Weíre just not close enough to the deadline yet, I guess. Or maybe itís the fact that next week will be the third four-day week out of the last four. (Which doesnít mean I work only four days, of course. But the fact that nobody else is working kind of affects my attitude.)

Anyway, Iím being lazy. Iím getting through exactly what I have to get through, day after day, to keep the companies running. The tax payments that are due next Tuesday have been made, but the forms that have to be completed by the end of the month have barely been started. I canít work without some urgency hanging over me, and thatís all there is to it.

If only I could fool myself. But itís the same principle that keeps me from being a morning person. ďJust pretend you have to get up early.Ē Well, I donít have to get up early, and I donít want to, so I donít do it. And I donít have to get anything done before the deadline. I want to, but I canít make myself put aside something more interesting just to get a head start.

Maybe thatís the trouble. Maybe I have too many interesting projects on my plate, and I donít have what it takes to push them aside so I can do something a little less fascinating, even if itís more critical in the big picture. Itís the reason I donít bake. If I could make pastry, Iíd never have bean salad again. Iíd be eating cakes and pies and tarts and stuff all the time.

11 January 2006

Just outside my front door. (I was trying out a new camera setting.)

Donít tell me I can bake. I know I could bake if I wanted to go down that road, just as I know I could get up early if I cared enough. Probably. Not sure about that one, exactly. As for the deadline thing, all I need is something to motivate me to overcome it, and so far the only thing that works is the actual deadline itself, looming like a giant sleepy ťclair.

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Rain. Itís raining tonight. Itís going to rain tomorrow. It hasnít rained much in the last ten days, and it hasnít rained at all for a whole week, but my driveway is still as muddy and wet as it was the day after the big New Yearís Eve storm hit. And now, more rain. Somehow I donít think itís going to improve things any, unless it rains so hard it washes away the mud. Could that happen? I donít see why not, because nothing else thatís happened so far in 2006 is logical. We crossed over into a whole new dimension, where the laws of nature no longer apply. I blame the Democrats for not asking the right questions. (Oh wait. Thatís something else.)

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One year ago: Interrumpus
"And thatís my job: to jump up and shut the barn door after somebody else has already ridden away on the horse."

Two years ago: Language Arts
"Learning ASL from him is going to be a lot of fun. He spent some time tonight convincing us of just that fact, that we were going to have fun and that learning to sign isn't going to be nearly as hard as we think."

Three years ago: Check
"The smoke I saw was coming from under my very own hood. And so, now that I realized it, was the smell."

Four years ago: Blanketed
"Yes, I think I'm going to bed at ten, and then the news comes on, or I remember something I meant to do earlier, or I just have to have a cup of hot cocoa (or I remember I still have to put the sheets in the dryer), and once again it's too late to go to bed early."

Five years ago: Winter Respite
"A day at the ballpark with someone you can stand to spend a day with (which is why I don't go with just anyone) is a day to be tucked away in the memory album and brought out again in leaner times, like during a rainy week in mid January."

Six years ago: Making Copies
"Could you wait just a minute? I'll put some pants on and come over."

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