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Saturday, January 22, 2005

I got pissed off today and needed to throw something or break something. Then I remembered Iím one-handed now, and I got even more frustrated. I look silly trying to throw left-handed. (For that matter, I look sort of foolish throwing right-handed, but donít tell anybody.)

Because my landlord never fixed my door assembly, I couldnít even slam the door. That would have been a mildly satisfying gesture, slamming the door in the face of the fates who decided to jackknife a tanker truck on the blind curve on my street, just at the time I was coming home from the post office.

Why must everything happen to me?!?

Anyway, I got over it. And I know what youíre thinking. Anticlimactic denouement, right? But in a way, thatís the best part of the story. I didnít break or throw anything because I couldnít, so there was nothing to regret later when the feeling passed. I still have marks on the walls from the old days when I let things get to me and could do something about it. It never helped, and it just got worse later when I realized what Iíd done.

11 January 2005

A cloud.

So what have we learned from this?

Well, nothing, really, because I knew all this long before I ever had the urge to slam doors. In fact, itís a lesson Iíve learned so many times in my life that youíd think Iíd have internalized it by now. Sometimes incapacity is the mother of restraint, and Iíll have to settle for that for now.

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When I got to where the truck was sprawled across the road, there was a guy there signaling drivers to turn around. That means I had to go out to the freeway and up to Llano on the Sebastopol highway, about six miles out of my way. I made it in much less time than youíd think possible (or legal). The worst part (I guess) is that by the time I got back to my street, the jackknifed rig had been cleared and was nowhere in sight, and traffic was flowing freely around that curve. Oddly enough, thatís when I lost it!

Recent recommendations can always be found on the links page.

One year ago: Expectations
"Besides. There's always next time. Not that I expect next time to be any different from this time, no matter which way it goes. If there even is a next time."

Two years ago: I Can See Clearly
"I actually gave it a little shove, even though I knew it wasn't going to go."

Three years ago: Fragmented
"...who says we're torturing anybody, we're not, we're abiding by all the conventional conventions of the Geneva Convention, at least all the ones we think are necessary to abide by..."

Four years ago: A Softer Voice and a Sharper Eye
"And when I say 'help me,' I mean he let me watch."

Five years ago: Monkey With a Pen
"Now that newspaper delivery is an adult business, one customer who likes his paper on the doorstep instead of in a puddle or in the neighbor's driveway isn't likely to have much impact."

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