bunt sign

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

As I watched a small slug inch its way across one of my paving stones this morning, something lurched out of the shadows in the back of my memory. It wasn’t something that I know happened, or a specific incident that I can relate. There was no beginning, so there could be no middle and certainly no end. But it was as real as anything that originates in the mind and stays there.

The only detail that penetrated the mist was the back yard of my old place next door, where I lived for all of four months nearly five years ago. I saw a slug there, too, and then it was gone. I can’t say for sure that it ever happened, but it might as well have, because the memory of it was as real as if it had. And then it was gone, like the memory of a dream.

It made me ponder what mysteries are inside my head, ready to reveal themselves to me under the right provocation. And it made me wonder, for a moment, if I could stimulate these mysteries consciously. Then I remembered the nature of this kind of memory, fleeting and insubstantial.

I know what you’re thinking. (That’s a different kind of phenomenon altogether, though.) You’re thinking, “Déjà vu.” And you’re right, in a sense. But I wonder if it’s not also a result of having lived this many years. Maybe after so many decades on this planet, a person accumulates so many sensory images that almost anything real can trigger almost anything psychic at almost any time.

So I’ve decided that déjà vu is in a way the realization that there is a finite number of experiences a person can gather in a lifetime, although there might be infinitely many permutations of those experiences. You can’t see or do something that hasn’t been seen or done before. And if you’ve lived long enough, you’re probably the person who saw or did it.

11 January 2005

Clouds hiding behind trees.

The exception, of course, is baseball. It’s an accepted maxim by aficionados that every time you watch a baseball game you’ll see something you’ve never seen before. I’ve seen enough games to know that this is true.

previousbunt signemailnext


The search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is officially over, according to the Bush administration’s reluctant admission today. Since the reports of their existence were the excuse for the U.S. invasion and the basis for the war, the fact that none were found should come as a shock to the people who supported the Bush policy, and to the troops who carried it out. Somehow I doubt this is the case, however.

Recent recommendations can always be found on the links page.

One year ago: Foundation
"I said he should act as if it had been his idea to stop in Las Vegas and shop before getting back to work."

Two years ago: In the Timing
"I think I'm going to look harder at Saturn models, based on comments from current Saturn owners."

Three years ago: Remembered
"I don't know how he's doing on his end — probably running deep pass patterns or digging for second on balls hit into the gap — but at this end he's getting what he asked for."

Four years ago: Well, You Asked
"I wasn't going to complain about this knot that starts at the base of my neck and goes halfway down my back. Or the stiffness in my shoulder, or the way my arm feels like it does after I go bowling."

Five years ago: Good Faith
"If I've been able to get ahead because someone's foot has been on your throat, whether it's mine or someone else's, I think I should at least help you up and dust you off and give you a chance to even things out."

Subscribe to the notify list to be advised when this site is updated.

Dump all the fear in the river and wash it away.