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Sunday, December 23, 2007

Thereís a very good reason that I donít feel entirely rested today. Okay, maybe not a very good reason, but a reason nonetheless, and itís typical. Last night at 1:30 am, I wasnít quite ready to turn off the TV and face my own thoughts in the dark. Itís not that thereís anything wrong with my thoughts, particularly, just that those thoughts are more likely to keep me awake than a few more minutes of mindless television.

Hereís the problem, though. Little Miss Sunshine was just beginning on HBO, and I started watching it. And Iíd forgotten, in the year or so since Iíd seen it, how much I loved it, and what a perfect movie it is. By the time 3:15 rolled around and the movie was over, I was ready to be alone in the dark with my happy thoughts. Or, more accurately, I was happy to be virtually thought-free and thus better able to sleep. Which I did.

And it would have been okay to get to sleep at 3:15 am if Iíd been able to sleep in this morning. And there was no external reason that I had to get up early today, or at all for that matter. If I could have stayed asleep, I could have stayed in bed until noon, or until tomorrow. But something in my body woke me up at 8:00 am, and even though I didnít get up until 9:45, any advantage of the day off was lost.

20 December 2007

Low clouds.

So thatís why I didnít feel rested today. The fact that I pretty much did this to myself doesnít matter. In the symphony of my life, this is one of the major recurring themes. I complain about sleep issues, but I donít expect them to be solved, because any solution would change who I am and how I live, and I donít want to be anyone else.

I respect and admire people who can get up at dawn and fall asleep before midnight. For much of my life, I wanted to be one of those people, because my way seemed somehow less virtuous. But thatís because this country was founded by Puritan farmers who burned witches, and I donít feel I have much in common with them.

So now I embrace my inner night owl, and catch up on sleep when I can. Today it was during the games of the next-to-last Sunday of the NFL season, and I donít think I missed much. The players didnít seem any more into it than I was, from what I did see.

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