bunt sign

Saturday, September 17, 2005

I could give you the usual Saturday pap. In fact, I wrote three paragraphs of it. Bored myself to tears and tore it up. I found a quiet space today, and I inhabited that space for as much of the day as I could. I donít exactly lead the fast-lane life. Iím not suited for it, and frankly I canít imagine myself in a world where I have to be stimulated all the time to feel alive.

This week was maybe a little too stimulating. I found myself overwhelmed by simple things like breathing and sleeping. Trying to hard to do both, I didnít do either well, and it wore me out. I didnít even realize how much, until I had a chance to slow down and—

Well, not think. I wouldnít say ďslow down and thinkĒ as much as ďslow down and not believe I had to react to every little thing that happened.Ē I might have spent too much time this week making myself miserable. I usually leave that to other people, better suited to the task. Once I calmed down and realized that today, I suddenly felt a little lighter.

Itís unusual for me to lose focus like that, because most of the time Iím disengaged enough from the world that I have no problem putting my own life in perspective. Iím not about making myself heard or noticed. I mean, Iím happy to do what I can to make life better or easier for just about anyone, but Iíve always felt that the best way I can do that is by staying out of the way. When I try to force the issue, I usually make things worse.

16 September 2005

Under the shady eucalyptus grove.

In real life, I consider myself a mediator. The trouble with that perception is that Iím not very good at it. I want people to get along, and I donít like it when people stir things up either for no reason or for selfish reasons. Iím always telling someone to see things from the other personís point of view, not to turn small irritations into big problems. Itís a good thing Iím not a professional, because itís hard for me to make this point without become one of those small irritations myself.

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When a team is struggling to score runs the way the Giants are, having a three-run homer taken off the scoreboard could be demoralizing. With two runners on in the sixth today, Ray Durham seemed to have hit the home run that gave the Giants a three-run lead. After he circled the bases, though, the ball was ruled (correctly) foul, and the score was still 1-1. Itís a lot to ask of a pitching staff to keep the team in games when things like this happen, but the Giants got a courageous performance from hobbled starter Jason Schmidt and a near-perfect four innings from their bullpen. Thatís what allowed Omar Vizquelís RBI single in the eighth to give them a 2-1 win over the Dodgers.

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