I could give you the usual Saturday pap. In fact, I wrote three paragraphs of it. Bored myself to tears and tore it up. I found a quiet space today, and I inhabited that space for as much of the day as I could. I donít exactly lead the fast-lane life. Iím not suited for it, and frankly I canít imagine myself in a world where I have to be stimulated all the time to feel alive.
This week was maybe a little too stimulating. I found myself overwhelmed by simple things like breathing and sleeping. Trying to hard to do both, I didnít do either well, and it wore me out. I didnít even realize how much, until I had a chance to slow down and—
Well, not think. I wouldnít say ďslow down and thinkĒ as much as ďslow down and not believe I had to react to every little thing that happened.Ē I might have spent too much time this week making myself miserable. I usually leave that to other people, better suited to the task. Once I calmed down and realized that today, I suddenly felt a little lighter.
Itís unusual for me to lose focus like that, because most of the time Iím disengaged enough from the world that I have no problem putting my own life in perspective. Iím not about making myself heard or noticed. I mean, Iím happy to do what I can to make life better or easier for just about anyone, but Iíve always felt that the best way I can do that is by staying out of the way. When I try to force the issue, I usually make things worse.