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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Thereís actually a reason that I like to get all my driving for the day finished by noon. It obviously isnít that Iím a go-getter hotshot morning person. Itís not that Iím more alert or awake in the wee small hours of ten or eleven oíclock in the A of the M. Nuh uh.

The real reason is that the freaks come out at noon. I used to think it was midnight when the gremlins and goblins were on the prowl, but I now firmly believe that thereís something straaaaaange about the way people drive in the early afternoon hours.

So it takes a lot to get me to leave the house at 1:00 pm. You have to order me to do it. Or you have to ask me to do it. Other than that, Iím staying home.

Today I was out after noon, and while I didnít turn into a pumpkin, I came very close to turning into an SUV sandwich. I was driving along, on my way home from picking up D.J. plus an emergency trip to the bank, and suddenly there seemed to be a black van parked on the two-lane road directly in front of me. I couldnít pass, because there was traffic coming at me from the other direction.

As any good defensive driver would do, I slammed on the brakes. Then I saw the white van in the driveway to my right, with its backup lights beaming at me. This one had already started to move, so I had to speed up a little to avoid being backed into. Meanwhile, the other van was now backing in my direction as well, in the middle of the street.

Needless to say, I got stopped in time and in a position where neither van could hit me. Otherwise I wouldnít be here to tell the tale. The black van in the roadway had missed its turnoff, and it backed up just enough to swing around onto the side road. Thatís when I lit out for home, before anyone else could aim two tons of steel at me. I may never leave the house before noon again. These things just donít happen in the morning.

20 September 2005

Rocket cloud.

In case you were wondering, we have moved on from cheetahs. D.J. informed me that he now has a pet ocelot. A kitten, he said, and heíd taken it to the doctor to get a shot so it would stay a kitten. (Where do you find that doctor? That would be awesome.) He insisted that ocelots come from Australia, because all animals whose names start with ďoĒ come from Australia. (Iím sure he thinks that Australia starts with ďoĒ, but we didnít get that far. That would have required me to get a word in.)

I did ask if he made that up, the Australia thing. ďItís just what I like to think,Ē he told me solemnly.

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The Cardinals didnít have the answer tonight, for the pitching of Roy Oswalt or the tenacity of the Astrosí hitters. Jason Lane homered, but the rest of the lineup found ways to capitalize on pitching mistakes and fielding blunders (and a squeeze play) to score more runs than any team in the NLCS had scored in the first five games. The 5-1 win by the Astros gives them their first National League pennant and a trip to Chicago to meet the White Sox in the World Series. The Cardinals had the best overall record in baseball this season, but the Astros were the best team in the majors from June on. Itís the second year in a row theyíve overcome a slow start to make it into the postseason, and this is the furthest theyíve ever advanced in their 44 years.

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"I donít believe in most mandatory sentencing laws, and I donít believe in most limitations on judicial discretion."

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