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Wednesday, November 3, 2004

Congratulations, America. Your way of life is safe, the 51% of you who make decisions for the rest of us. You did a fine job of weighing the issues and letting the candidates define each other. If the only true patriots are people who agree with you, you probably donít care what I think. But Iím going to tell you.

The tax cuts for the billionaires are safe. Either you are confident you will be a billionaire some day, too, or you believe the folks at Halliburton and Carlyle will share their windfall with you, the way the top executives at Enron did. Maybe they will use that money to help you out with your health insurance. Maybe theyíll hire a few more of you to sweep out their offices, now that weíre sure the minimum wage rate wonít be raised for at least four years.

You must really like war, America, because youíre probably going to get more of it. With a mandate to fight terrorism even where it doesnít exist, the powers that be can now go adventuring around the world, looking for phantoms. We can send even more of our young people off into dangerous lands far away. Iím not clear on what weíll do if we run out of soldiers, though, since a promise was made that there would be no draft. But we all know what promises are worth.

Your isolationism is safe, too. You must not like foreigners, because youíve fixed it so that you donít even have to pretend to be friendly to them. Iím sure you wonít need them for anything important, like sharing the burden and expense of fighting all those wars. Itís a good thing you are making so many new friends in places where ďfreedom is on the march.Ē

The Supreme Court is safely in your control. If youíre lucky, three or four justices will take permanent vacations in the next four years, and you can pack the court with even more judges who hate the same people you hate. You wonít have to repeal the erosion of civil liberties, but you might get a chance to snatch back a womanís right to choose what to do with her own body. Soon there will be no ďchoiceĒ but your choice. Thatís what a mandate can do for you.

Your vision of right and wrong is safe, too. Your definition of marriage is so safe you donít even need that constitutional amendment weíve heard about. You donít have to worry about men marrying men or women marrying women. You might not be able to stop them from loving each other, but at least youíve successfully chased them back into their closets. You donít have to look at the deviants. If they happen to be your son or daughter, you can always disown them. Itís been known to happen.

2 November 2004

Streaks of clouds, but mostly blue.

And America, you can go on winning elections forever, unchallenged, because you have access to the keys to the voting machines, with no verifiable paper trails to slow you down (and no conscience to stop you). So congratulations on your victory, America. Forget about the other 49% of us. Weíll just slip quietly into the background and await your orders.


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Thank you, Illinois, for Barack Obama. Thanks to Colorado for Ken Salazar. Thank you, all you Ohio voters who stood in line in the rain for hours for the chance to do the right thing. Itís not your fault you fell short (but watch out for that guy in the next lane). And a special shout out to California for funding stem cell research and sending my senator, Barbara Boxer, and my congresswoman, Lynn Woolsey, back to Washington to fight the good fight for those of us who still have the fire.

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One year ago: Don't Bother
"He got a kiss for his owie and a Curad Battle Ribbon to show his little friends, and he was back at work the next day."

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