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Wednesday, March 26, 2003

It was all a big mistake. I'm not a morning person, and yet here I was at 6:30 (6:30! A!M!) running the payroll spreadsheets. With my eyes open! That's how the day started, but it didn't end as well. I was like a tightly wound watch that loses its spring at the exact moment you need to know the time. I spent most of the day with that zombie-like feeling I usually have only first thing in the morning.

The chain of events that led to my finding myself semi-comatose in the recliner at one o'clock in the afternoon began last night, when I forgot to turn the furnace down when I went to bed. I woke up an hour and a half too early this morning, sweating in the sheets and way to uncomfortable to stay there. So I got up.

Big mistake. And I'm not sure of my own motivation, so it's even worse. I often talk myself into feeling guilty for sleeping late, so the chance to get up early was too much of a temptation. Now I can be like all the good people, like my hardy midwestern ancestors who rose with the dawn and worked the fields all morning and ate big hunks of meat and potatoes at noon.

Sure, it was too hot to stay in bed — unless I threw off the blanket and comforter. Then I could have slept until the usual time and had a routine day. Then I wouldn't have spent the whole afternoon doing my best imitation as a useless lump (not that I'm not well-practiced at it).

Ah, but then I would have missed the sweetness of an afternoon nap. I was just going to sit for a minute, and suddenly I was closing my eyes and praying for the phone not to ring. Forty-five minutes later it did ring, and as often happens there was no one on the line, but that was long enough anyway.

Not that I jumped up and got back to work, because I was still stuck in low gear. But by this time I was clear-headed enough to rationalize that working that extra hour and half early in the morning probably entitled me to 45 minutes of relief in the afternoon. That's what I'm telling myself, at the same time I'm telling myself never to do it again.

Morning person? No, not exactly. It's only what I tell myself I should be.

actually, this was taken two weeks ago

The dead birch is just inside the fence. The one I used to think was dead is in the center at the far end of the garden. See all the leaves?

One good thing that came out of this was the early start on the weekly payroll. I'd like to get an early start every week. Monday, for example, would be a good time to start, but if I don't get the time cards until Wednesday morning, that's the earliest I can work on it. Getting the payroll done early would have allowed me to work on other things today, if it hadn't sapped all my energy.

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It feels weird leading a semi-normal life while many good and innocent people (some good, some innocent, some both) are dying, eleven hours in the future. And what am I doing? I'm sitting at the computer, with the war on in the background. That way, if anything important happens — anything that affects me directly, that is — I'll know. Such is the sheltered life I lead.

Recent recommendations can always be found on the links page.

One year ago: Losing Lumpage
"I'd probably stop watching it, but I want to make sure that Emiliano doesn't marry the beautiful but conniving Ambar, since he's really in love with Marķa Eugenia."

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