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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Iím satisfied that I did the best I could with January, but Iím really looking forward to a fresh start in February. I know these are artificial boundaries that mean nothing, but I canít help it. Any excuse to reload and take a little better aim is good enough for me. If only I could restart this week, because I wasted my Monday and spent all of Tuesday trying not to fall any further behind.

January was a muddy mess of an ordeal for me, but it was good in one way. When I paid my utility bill yesterday, it was way down from last month. Iíd been working to keep the thermostat lower and bundle up more, and it helped. And Iíve been keeping to my resolution not to buy CDs and DVDs for myself, so Iím in a lot better shape financially than I was a month ago. Of course, that could probably be said about every January, because I spend so much every December.

Mostly, though, I can say that what had to be done in January got done in January, and with two days to spare at that. I know I can always say that at the end of January, but that doesnít mean I ever believe it halfway through. I tell myself, and I allow other people to tell me, and yet I still have doubts, always. I will again next year. No doubt about that.

30 January 2006

Cloud racers.

February has its own set of challenges, but thereís one thing about the month that I can fall back on if I have to. Most of the deadlines in February are self-imposed, and that means that if I donít make it, itís not a catastrophe. In fact, thatís probably the reason that my Big Project usually carries over into the middle of March. My goal is to finish it by the end of February this year, for once. I know I can do it. And if I say I doubt that I will, itíll only make me try harder to get it done. Iíll know in about four weeks how well my self-motivation is working.

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The thankless job of giving the Democratic was response to the State of the Union tonight was handed over to a rising star in the party, Tim Kaine, the governor of Virginia. To say that he wasnít up to the task is an understatement. I for one couldnít stop staring at his eyebrows, so itís hard to know what he said other than ďbetter way better way better way,Ē whatever thatís supposed to mean. Where was Congressman John Murtha, who could have given a true rebuttal rather than a tepid stump speech? Safely out of the way, no doubt, because the party doesnít want to call attention to the fact that heís one of the few politicians fearless enough to propose an alternative. (My own response is here.)

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One year ago: Imperfection
"Iím very happy to know so many imperfect people, because there isnít a single one of them who doesnít give me something special that I couldnít get from someone who was perfect in every way."

Two years ago: Second Hand
"It means a lot to me that her well-being matters to so many people."

Three years ago: Surveillance
"This is the price we pay for upgrading, when 'upgrade' means the same thing as 'let me see how much more I can insinuate myself into your life and do your thinking for you."

Four years ago: Prerecorded
"A big chunk of my heart and way too much of my brain still reside in that era, without the bad skin and the cracking voice, but still with the feeling that I don't fit in."

Five years ago: Meet in the Middle
"Monday was a day when I just couldn't see the forest, because all the trees kept falling on top of me. Today they're just throwing apples, and I'm dodging."

Six years ago: Don't Blame Me
"I really do like my job, but I hate the business. The construction industry has to be one of the most cutthroat enterprises there is."

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All I want is a room somewhere,
Far away from the cold night air.

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