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Friday, February 8, 2008

This fixation I have on not doing anything before the deadline would be kind of embarrassing, if I cared. Obviously I donít care enough to try to hide it. Itís a little harder to explain it, but I almost overcame it a little today. I got started on the Big Project, which doesnít have a real deadline, but Iíve given myself until the end of the month to complete it. It could easily slop over into March, especially if I do what I normally do and donít get started until itís almost too late.

But I did get started today. I would have got started even earlier, if it hadnít been for all the interruptions. And I almost didnít get started today, because I kept waiting for the phone to ring, or something else that would keep me from working on it. But no, I got one and a half of the preliminary spreadsheets done. They were the easiest ones Iíll have to do, but still, thatís more of a start than I expected to get. I think I just looked into the abyss that Iíll be facing if I let it get too late. Also: I didnít have anything else I wanted to do more.

The same sort of psychology is working whenever I restart my diet (which isnít a ďdietĒ as much as itís a rededication to healthier eating, which sounds just about as vague as it is in actual practice). Iím all gung-ho for awhile with the fruits and vegetables and smaller portions, and then I drift into a somewhat more lax period of enforcement. And then, suddenly (or so it seems), I start feeling bloated. I get that sensation that Iíve swallowed a water balloon, and it gets me going on the right track again. Itís not enough to know intellectually that I should be eating better. I have to feel it, just as I have to feel the fear of failure before Iíll work very hard on the Big Project.

7 February 2008

Western afternoon sky.

It works pretty much the same way with housekeeping, too. I donít do much of it at all, until one day, I take a step back and survey the amazing collection of clutter. Itís invisible to me as it accumulates, but thereís a point of critical mass where I suddenly get the uncontrollable urge to clean. I might be at that point this weekend, in fact, if it werenít for the fact that Iíll probably spend most of the extra time I have on the Big Project. That lets me put off cleaning, and Iím never too unhappy when I have an excuse not to do something I should do.

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