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Friday, December 10, 2010

Having all my Christmas shopping done two weeks early (for once) is like having voted two weeks early. Only now, instead of ignoring political robo-calls I can run an email filter to delete all those messages from every place Iíve ever shopped, plus a whole lot of places Iíve never shopped. Itís inspiring (yet annoying) how many people find ways to find me, just because they want my money.

Theyíre not getting any more blood out of this turnip, though. Iíve spent all I can spend and Iíve done the best I could possibly do at making wishes come true. Itís just that I might have to convince some people to wish for what Iím giving them. My sales skills are a little rusty. I used to be pretty good, but I havenít sold shoes for 25 years. Iíve been cooped up in my home office for most of the time since, and Iíve sort of forgotten how to talk to people.

Still, pretty paper and shiny new things speak for themselves, and they all come from the heart. Trust me, Iíve put a lot of thought into everything Iíve done for the holidays. That doesnít mean itís all going to turn out the way I hope it will, but I expect to get big points for trying. My family is pretty generous that way.

Now all thatís left, besides wrapping and delivering, is the waiting. As you know, Iím the Soul of Patience, but if another week goes by and the packages donít start falling off the brown truck and onto my doorstep, panic is likely to set in. Itís happened before, is how I know. Iím not actually the Soul of Patience at all.

One gift, for a member of the family who shall remain nameless (although heís not nameless any more), got screwed up at the store I ordered it from. They sent the wrong thing, something I canít even use (because I donít know anyone that size who would wear it). I made a desperate plea for the store to let me return the wrong thing and for them to send me the right thing. I hope it gets here on time, but as I said this (not really) unnamed person will not even make a personal appearance until next month.

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