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Tuesday, December 14, 2004

There was some blue in the sky today. The sun didnít shine, at least not on me, but patches of blue were definitely visible. And not just off in the distance, either, but nearly overhead. It was one of those promises of hope (or whatever) that you keep hearing about. It was a little hint that just maybe these long, dark days arenít going to stay that way forever.

I donít know. Today was a setback physically, but I took a bit of a hit emotionally and psychologically. The more I think about how much I have to do (and how little actual knowledge and experience I have to draw on), the less excited and enthusiastic I feel about surging forward into the new year.

A challenge, you say? Calling it a challenge, I think, assumes that Iím equipped to deal with it. Iím not so sure about that. I thought Iíd have more help during the transition period. I feel as if some people I thought I could count on are bailing on me.

Or maybe I just thought they were going to do the work for me, and now that I know how much I have to do between now and, oh, mid March, Iím becoming more acutely aware of just how short the days are. I raced through payroll this afternoon, once I could finally get started, because I knew I had to finish before the darkness settled in. And thatís been happening before 4:30 pm. Anything I try to do after that is like working in a cave.

In my more lucid moments, I realize that I can get it done, if I can ask the right questions and force my way through the paperwork. It might get done half-assedly, but all I really have to do is convince the Boss that Iíve given it my best effort. Itís just a good thing I donít have to convince myself of that.

10 December 2004

Winter clouds.

The blue sky didnít last long. For one thing, it didnít even show up until late in the afternoon, when the sun (such as it was) was about to go down anyway. And the layers of clouds were just too thick and gray to allow much light to penetrate for long. I know winter is a short season here in California, but the frightening part is that it hasnít even officially started yet.

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I think Iím more tired than anything else. I fell asleep in the chair again tonight, and I nearly convinced myself to crawl into bed without any supper. But since Iíd already skipped lunch, that didnít seem like such a wonderful idea. So I stuck it out, and naturally, as always, I got a second wind. All my energy comes to me at the hours when Iíd be better off sleeping, but Iíve given up on breaking that cycle.

Recent recommendations can always be found on the links page.

One year ago: Not an Option
"Downloading, uploading, restarting, tearing my hair out. It's a good thing I can multitask."

Four years ago: Victoriant at Last
"Every vote counts only if every vote is counted, and only if everyone is allowed to vote. The charges of harassment and intimidation must be investigated and the guilty parties, if any, dealt with harshly."

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