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Saturday, August 21, 2004

It's unthinkable, but it's tempting. It so tempting, in fact, that suddenly it's not so unthinkable any more. I probably won't do it, because of fear or pride or prudence. But I'm thinking about it.

The problem is that I'm out of money, at one of the worst possible times. There aren't any great times to be broke, but I'm coming up on the end of the month (rent, don't you know), and I got my car insurance bill in the mail (way higher than when I was driving the old beat-up Honda).

And then today, I might have made a mistake. My yard guy came around and looked at the high weeds. Then I looked at the high weeds and asked him when he could cut them back. He's coming Tuesday, and he prefers cash. How am I going to pay him? What have I done?

So the unthinkable thing I'm thinking about is asking the Boss for an advance on my salary. The company has the money to do it, so it wouldn't be a burden and wouldn't cost anything. I don't need much, relatively speaking, and I could pay it back. I'm not going anywhere, and I couldn't if I wanted to.

So what's stopping me? Ha. The Boss thinks there's something wrong with a person who can't live on what he pays them. He believes it's a character flaw, or maybe a genetic defect, if you need money, ever. And he won't lend money, even on a short-term basis, even to me (for pete's sake), without a signed written agreement that gives him the right to a gallon of my blood (and both kidneys) if I should chose not to pay him back. Which we've already established isn't going to happen.

As tempting as it is, under the current dire circumstances, I'll probably find a way not to ask the Boss for any money. Even if I have to borrow from a credit card at a ridiculous interest rate, I'm better off not exposing myself to his scorn. Any weakness will be exploited, as anyone knows who's ever dealt with him in an adversarial relationship. It's not worth it.

20 August 2004

The young oak in the garden.

I do have to figure out a way to pay my yard guy Tuesday. It could mean not eating as well as I'd like to this week (and next week and the week after that). It'll be good discipline if I can find a way to live within my means, as long as I don't have to do it forever. I'm not exactly used to the lush life, but I do like to try one new recipe a week, and you can't do that if you don't have grocery money. Compromises are in store, I'm afraid.

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