bunt sign

Sunday, September 3, 2000

I am not ready for winter. (I wasn't ready for the earthquake last night, either, but that didn't seem to keep it from turning my bed into a vibrating recliner for about thirty seconds. I had not the energy at 1:36 in the morning to react as I should have, by crouching in a doorway. My emergency response was to roll over and close my eyes again.)

I am not ready for winter, yet here we are, with almost three weeks of official summer yet to go, and I'm wearing sweats around the house.

The sun is shining and it's cold! You just don't see that in Northern California this time of year. At least we know the best is yet to come. There is nothing like early October in the Bay Area, especially the warm evenings. I can live through a pissy September if I have that to look forward to.

As I told my notify list, I fell asleep on the couch around nine last night and didn't wake up until about twelve thirty, to the sound of José Feliciano singing "You Send Me" on KQED-TV. I simply got up and dragged myself off to bed, instead of trying to do anything more. So I got a day behind on updating my journal, and even further back on reading others.

At the last place I lived (all of three days ago), I could never have fallen asleep on the couch with the TV on. That's because I never watched TV on the couch at night, for fear of rousing the neighbors. Also, I don't think I ever got as tired there as I was last night. This is just one way moving has changed my life for the better. Now I can fall asleep on the couch and wake up to José Feliciano.

I spent most of today catching up on long neglected reading and writing. I finally have most of the office in order, even if the bedroom is still a shambles. I hit a kind of wall today, as far as unpacking goes. Suddenly the clutter doesn't seem so bad. I can live with boxes strewn everywhere, as long as I just don't have to think about doing anything about them, for at least one day. Maybe two.

I'll be so sorry when Big Brother ends. I've bonded with all the people in that house, I guess. They're almost like friends, or even family, to me. The more I get to know them, the more I like and respect them. And that goes for all of the people that are left. I've seen sides of each person in the house that make me admire them as people.

I guess this means that what I've always believed is true: every individual has value, and any two people, in the right situation, can make a meaningful connection. If this is the lesson of Big Brother, I applaud the effort and I'm grateful for the experience of watching the show.

I think it's significant that in most cases so far, the public has voted out the person most disruptive to the harmony in the house. (In Brittany's case, I think it was a matter of numbers. She was the most vivid personality of the six nominated for banishment, and the other five canceled each other out.) People want to see their fellow humans getting along with each other, caring about each other, and making life better for each other.

It's a shame that so much of life is one person speaking for or making decisions for so many. Politics obscures the real meaning of our existence: that we are here to make the world a better place, and the only way to do that is to care for one another enough to make a difference.

Life is so precious, but we waste it when we give in to hate and fear and greed. It can be so much better if we love and embrace and share.

This is what I see when I lie on my couch in my new house and look up at my ceiling:


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Okay, I finally checked the Diarist award winners page. Congratulations to all the nominees, even those who came in second or third, especially the ones reading this right now! (I don't have the big numbers, but I have quality readership, of which I'm proud and for which I'm grateful.) Special congrats to Terri, for winning in three of the biggest categories.

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