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Friday, October 24, 2003

Auditors are apparently not human robots after all. They don't have calculators wired into their brains; they have to plug their brains in just like the rest of us. And they don't have the precision timing of a Swiss watch, or even my aging Pulsar, which loses approximately two seconds per year.

That's what I learned, that auditors are human, when my auditor, the guy who had an appointment with me at 11:30 am today, showed up at 10:15 am. It's a good thing I was ready for him, as far as the books and accounts are concerned. Or anyway, it's a good thing I thought I was ready for him.

In the end it didn't matter whether I was ready, because I was still in sweats and house slippers. That fact didn't come up in our conversations, so it probably won't be in the report when I get it. He just plugged himself in and went right to work. I'd prepared all of the documents he'd listed for me over the phone when he made the appointment (for 11:30).

Then he started asking for other things, items I should have suspected such as insurance certificates. He was, after all, conducting the audit for the insurance company that doesn't want to insure us any more. So it stands to reason they'd ask him to check on any little possible discrepancy. Imagine his amazement when I went straight to the proper file and pulled out the certificates. Imagine mine. I'm not all that organized, remember.

He was here less than half an hour. He apologized for the fact that I've had to go through this twice for the same policy and policy period. He blamed the insurance company, of course. As imperfect as auditors are, nothing is their fault. They just collect the data they're assigned to collect and leave interpretation up to someone else. Sounds like a pretty good gig.

17 October 2003

Widely scattered clouds.

If he'd come half an hour earlier, he would have found me coming out of the shower and dripping on the carpet. Fifteen minutes later and I would have been off to the post office, and he would have missed me altogether. After he left I got dressed and went off on my daily errands. I had a burst of extra energy, just from having the audit over and done. But by the middle of the afternoon I'd used it all up and worn myself down.

If he'd been on time, I think I might have had a more productive day. I'm a creature of strictest habit, and even disruptions of my routine have to go according to schedule. Otherwise I lose my way.

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The "kind reader" I mentioned in yesterday's rapturous paean to my own cooking is Clarence of Can you hear me now? In this entry (look for my name) he pretends to be miffed (or at least wounded) that I didn't adequately acknowledge his contribution to my success. Sorry. I tend toward vagueness at times, like when I refer to the Yankees as a baseball team from a large east coast city. I think I've called Arnold an actor-politician, when actually he is neither. Or both, I'm not sure. Anyway, sorry.

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One year ago: Difficult
"Everyone seems to want to be in front of me. Everyone wants to be going ten miles an hour below the speed limit, directly in my path. Every car in Santa Rosa is between me and where I need to be."

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