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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

As I was slogging my way through the payroll today, it occurred to me that I was actually enjoying it. Itís almost fun, doing something Iím good at. It would be better if it were real fun, like playing in a band or hitting home runs, but Iím not good at those things. Thereís no spotlight on doing spreadsheets, no cheers or applause, but you take what you can get. I think I could keep doing this job for at least another ten years, maybe even twenty, under the right conditions.

First of all, I have to get paid for it, and getting paid a little more than Iím getting paid right now would be a welcome bonus. But I could probably do it for less, as long as I had enough to pay my rent and my satellite TV bill. And come to think of it, I could probably live in a trailer on the beach, as long as it had a dish on the roof.

Also, Iíd want it always to be one of those days like today, when there were no interruptions. I even took the phone off the hook for about half an hour during the most intense time, when I was trying to jump back and forth from the payroll program on the computer to the checkbook on the desk.

This was one of those complicated weeks when we had guys working at two different pay levels on two different projects, with overtime on both their standard pay and their enhanced pay. In other words, I had to figure paychecks based on four different pay rates for most of the thirteen employees. It was a kind of a minor nightmare.

But I could do it forever, as long as I had the luxury of being able to concentrate. Iím pretty good at doing one thing at a time. Iím not so great at trying to do everything at once. When I try to do that, nothing gets accomplished and I sort of melt into a beige-ish puddle of glop. Thatís where I was 24 hours ago, but Iím okay now.

6 May 2005

Storm clouds.

Most of all, I feel as if I could do anything, as long as I have the support and encouragement of friends and family. Family, thatís a given. Everyone knows how much I rely on them. Friends are those who read these words and can sense when I need a little help getting over the hump. I have made such good friends in the five and a half years Iíve been doing this that I donít even know how to fail.

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With their best starter going on the disabled list today, things got even worse for the Giants pitching staff tonight. One of the relievers, the ancient Jeff Fassero, had to step into an emergency starting role, leaving the rest of the staff short-handed. And Scott Eyre, maybe the most consistently effective relief pitcher the team has had so far, limped off the field in the seventh inning. On a positive note, Fassero was brilliant, throwing five shutout innings and leaving with a 2-0 lead. And now, the all too familiar bad news. The lead was gone almost as soon as Fassero was, and the Pirates went on to win, 5-2. The bullpen canít be blamed for the lack of offense, but it would have been nice if they had been able to hold that lead.

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One year ago: All In
"I don't blame them, frankly. I know I'd trust myself to try to do the right thing, but I don't know if I could convince myself of anything."

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