I think I may have the wrong attitude about this diet. I shouldn't be looking forward to the day when I can eat cookies again. The diet is a path to a goal, but the goal is to attain a weight I can sustain comfortably. The bigger goal is maintaining a healthy body.
In the third week of my diet I lost another two pounds. That's twice as much as last week, and eight pounds overall. It's an acceptable rate of loss, if not quite extraordinary. And this past week includes a day of bingeing at the ballpark, so it could have been even better.
When I started, it was because I felt bad, physically, and that led to feeling emotionally weak. I was eating out of habit, or compulsion, or simple boredom. I'm out of that habit now, and I should be able to keep myself from lapsing. I should, but I've been here before, and I know that one lapse leads to another, the same way one cookie leads to another.
Somehow I have to break the chain this time. I have to remember how miserable I felt that day when the scale read twenty pounds more than I thought it should. I knew my body wasn't designed to carry that much bulk, and I knew it was up to me to do something about it.
To be honest, even after losing eight pounds, I don't feel much better. I still get uncomfortable in my own skin. My belly still feels as if it's full of water balloons rubbing together. I'm not sure if I'm not eating the right things, or not exercising properly, or if it's something else.
All I know for sure is that I don't want to go back to stuffing my face for no good reason. If wanting is enough, I should make it.