Once upon a time I had this high-minded view of myself as someone who kept at it, working through obstacles and distractions to do the best job I could possibly do, for the simple pride in accomplishment. (Regardless, that is, of any actual value in whatever product I was producing. Dredging that deeply would have ruined the illusion.)
Lately, however (and you knew there would be a “however,” or a least a “but”), I’ve been finding myself looking for excuses to stop working. Or if not actively looking for excuses, at least not avoiding those same obstacles and distractions. I seem to embrace letting things slow me down these days. I’m a latecomer, but I’m becoming a big friction fan. Inertia has taken on a whole new meaning.
So a day like today is becoming rare, when I keep at it all day, don’t have a lot to show for it, but still feel satisfied with the attempt. Most days, I feel as if there’s never a time when there aren’t three or four things I should be doing. At the end of the day, I look back and see all I’ve done and all I haven’t done.
Today was different, in that I looked back and saw not all the holes I dug, but all the digging I did. Could it be I’ve found the secret of happiness? |