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Monday, June 7, 2004

How close do you have to be to somebody to tell them how you really feel? When does "How are you?" become less a greeting and more an actual inquiry into someone's true state of being?

As far as the teller at the bank and the checker at the supermarket know, I'm doing great. I learned a long time ago from a man I worked for that that's the only way to be, as far as the public is concerned. "How are you?" "I'm great!" That was his answer all day every day for the four years we worked together. People were always happy to hear it, too. It always brought a smile.

I let the guard down a bit with Tim today. I've known him for fifteen years, but we've never spent more than a few minutes together a couple of times a year. We talk almost daily on the phone, but I don't know much about his life and he doesn't know much about mine. That's the way I want it, but today when he asked how things were going I said, "Terrible."

Immediately after saying it, I regretted it. I started backtracking. My impression is that he doesn't really think I deserve stake in The Kennel, that he's only going along with the Boss (his father) to cut me into the action. I know he can't stand it when the Boss makes any negative comments about the direction Tim wants to take the company. So I should have said "great," but I didn't.

He laughed, though, which is good. I told him that I usually lie, but I was so overwhelmed at the moment that I had to tell him the truth. He took that as a joke, which is what I was hoping for. He didn't realize I was telling him the truth. I hope he never does.

7 June 2004

One tiny cloud.

But I did feel better after talking to him. He took the time to try to cheer me up, and although it didn't help much, it's a good sign that he wants me to feel okay with all the extra work, to know that it's leading somewhere that will be good for all of us. I guess I agree with that, and my malaise hasn't stopped me from actually doing the work. I still wish it was over, though. Or that somebody else would pick up the slack. Or that I was a better liar and could say "I'm great!" the next time he asks how I'm doing.

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The Giants escaped from Coors Field with another win today, 10-5. Watch out Tampa Bay (their next destination), because the offense used the high mountain air to get itself righted, and the pitching didn't get as devastated as usual after a four-game series in Denver. My only worry is that the Giants will be flying into the Tampa/St. Pete area tonight at just about the time Lightning fans will be setting fires and overturning cars to celebrate their first Stanley Cup victory.

Recent recommendations can always be found on the links page.

One year ago: Tolerance
"Judge me if you want, but I feel no guilt."

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