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Friday, July 1, 2005

I was thinking today, as I was listening to a collection of early Statler Brothers hits, that nostalgia is a lot like pornography.

Wait! Lemme ísplain.

Okay, for those of you who are still here, here goes. I listen to those old songs about the good old days when life was simple and easy, and I experience emotions that Iím not entitled to. I have feelings that are based on, if not exactly a lie, then at least a false reality. Heck, theyíre not even my memories. Theyíre someone elseís rose-colored vision of a past that never was.

That doesnít mean the feelings arenít real. Itís just that theyíre not earned. I didnít put anything into them. Instead, I sat back and listened and let the sentimentality wash over me and choke me up, and I sob and sigh just as if I had really lived through World War II with nothing but a silver medal to remind me of...

Well, you get the point. Itís real emotion, though, no matter where it comes from.

Just like porn. I donít think I have to go into details, other than to say that I donít see anything wrong with it, in its place. Itís a passive way to fill a need, but as long as it doesnít hurt anybody, I say let the good times roll.

I mean, those old songs donít do any harm, right?

6 June 2005

Buzzard ducking behind the treetop.

You know what else is like porn? The West Wing. Porn for political liberals. Little House on the Prairie. Porn for troubled parents. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Porn for romantic optimists. I guess anything that can make you feel good in the privacy of your own home can fall into that category.

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The box score doesnít show any home runs or any five-run innings like the ones they got in their sweep of the Diamondbacks. The three runs the Giants got tonight were scratched out of such unlikely bits and pieces as a broken-bat single that barely got past the pitcher, plus a hit batter, a walk, a stolen base, an error, and a whole bunch of infield outs. You put enough of those little things together, and with a bit of luck you get your fourth win in a row. They brought up Kevin Correia from the minor leagues to be the starting pitcher, and after giving up two first inning runs, he and the bullpen held the Padres scoreless the rest of the way on the way to a 3-2 Giant win. Tyler Walker blew the Padre hitters away for the last five outs and another save. Even though the offensive explosion the Giants started in Arizona didnít continue, they managed to get their biggest win of the year against the only team in their division with a winning record.

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One year ago: Assets
"They offered me bonus rewards and special rates, and I think they also said they had a secret plan to end the war (although I might have heard that one somewhere else)."

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Preacher said he'd always been a good man
But preachers always throw that phrase around
But the tears I tasted gave his words new meaning
Watching old friends puttin' daddy in the ground