bunt sign

Tuesday, July 8, 2003

If I wasn't already convinced, I am now. I really need to get away, whatever the cost. This wasn't even a difficult day, at least from an objective point of view. So let's assume I can offer one. Here's this guy who works at home and gets through the day without having to deal with a single major crisis, except the one going on inside his own head.

Ha! You didn't think I could be objective. So it wasn't a difficult day, except that I didn't really come alive until I walked out to get the mail late this afternoon. It's a short trip to the mailbox, about a tenth of a mile. A fifth of a mile for the round trip. Back and forth five times, you've got yourself a mile. But it only took once for me to realize that I'd been stifling myself inside all day.

And it wasn't even that great a day out in the wind and hot sun. Still, I couldn't talk myself into coming back inside right away. Something out there was calling me, and I was in a mood to answer. I was never an outdoor kid, the kind who has to be called in at suppertime. I was the one who had to be told to go outside and play. So today I told myself.

The first thing I did is something I've been thinking about for a while now. I moved the birdbath to level ground. It was at an angle that kept it from holding much water, and the birds weren't coming around as often as they did last summer. I've been filling it every day, but it wasn't taking long to empty itself. I'm still not satisfied, but without a bubble level I don't think I can do much better than I did today.

While I was out there, and before I got so hot and tired that I had to come back inside, I put a little energy into clearing the mound just outside the front door. That's where the wildflowers are going to go. I got a package of free seeds in the mail, and all it says is that you need to clear an area, remove the existing vegetation, spread the seeds, and keep them watered.

The part where I have to clear the area is what's been holding this up. I started that project a few weeks ago, but it didn't take much time away from it for the weeds to start growing back. I suppose I could have let the ground cover take care of it, and it would have looked all right, but I'm determined to have some color there. The butterflies and hummingbirds will like it, if it ever happens.

Even though I didn't last long in the sun, and I worked up more of a sweat than I planned, I felt better afterwards. I came back inside with more energy than I'd had all day. If no one else is going to push me out the door, I'm going to have to do it myself more often. Just because I grew up an indoor kid doesn't mean I have to grow old that way.

8 July 03

This is kind of a miracle, considering how little care it gets.

It's hard to remember what kept me indoors all those years. It wasn't computers or video games, because we didn't have them. I think I just didn't know what to do outside. I wasn't athletic and didn't play sports. I knew nothing about working in the yard (even less than I do now, as strange as that seems). When there were other kids around, I was fine outside. But I was too much of a loner even then to go out and find someone to play with. Some things haven't changed much in all these decades, but I'm working on it.

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I don't know where I've been since 1990 (no, not literally), but I never saw a movie called La Femme Nikita until I watched it on DVD tonight. Wow! What a great thriller/caper flick!

Recent recommendations can always be found on the links page.

One year ago: Looking for Shade
"I even got to help skewer the kebabs, so I felt as if I were contributing in some (very) small way."

Two years ago: Faltering Toward the Finish
"What if the hummingbirds suck the feeder dry? What if snails take over the garden and spiders take over the house? What if I haven't accounted for every possible contingency?"

Three years ago: Calmer Seas
"Some people are mean. Some nice people say mean things. I'm glad to be below the radar when it comes to such matters. Maybe I've just been lucky, but I'll take it."

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