bunt sign

Tuesday, July 1, 2003

Now that I've accepted the fact that absolutely nothing will make me absolutely happy, I've become a much happier person.

The weather will never make me happy, because it's always too hot, too cold, too wet or too windy. But I can't control the weather, can I? (Can I?) So here's a day that's a little breezy, at least the sun is out. By the weekend it'll be hot again, but it won't be raining, will it? (Will it?)

My job will never make me truly happy because there's always too much to do and not enough time and too many interruptions, so that even if I like what I'm doing, forces beyond my control militate against my being able to continue doing it. But my job is the best one for me right now. I don't have to do a lot of things I'd have to do in other similar jobs, nasty things like making phone calls and thinking. And I'm always home and just a few minutes away from doing something I like better, as soon as the opportunity arises.

Plus, I'm always home. There's a certain comfort level here that I can't get anywhere else. That might be the most obvious thing I've ever said, but hey! This is my home. I can even use faulty logic if I feel like it, and there's nobody to correct me. Working at home is a little like being the boss, but without the responsibility. I've been the boss. I don't want the responsibility. I'm happier just pretending.

While we're at it, I'll never be completely happy in this house, because I don't have the time, energy, patience or money to keep it up the way I should. There will always be cobwebs in the corners, weeds in the yard, and mountains of clutter as far as the eye can see. So what? It's mine, and I'm happy enough with it just the way it is.

Besides, the bushtits were back today, racing through the garden from branch to branch and chattering to each other like fourth graders on a field trip. I stood in the middle of it all for a few minutes, trying not to be noticed. I knew they'd get bored easily and move on to something more exciting before too long anyway, so I just watched and listened until they did.

1 July 03

And then there's this.

My decision to be satisfied with less than perfect happiness lets me take each moment and savor it or discard it. If I get some positive energy out of a visit from the bushtits, I can be happy with that. If I'm frustrated with trying to do three things at once, I can be happy that at some point they'll be done, and at some further point, they won't matter.

When you're resigned to being less than perfectly happy, you sometimes have to take what you can get. That can be as small a thing as not being totally miserable, even when that's your inclination. I'm not saying it's a perfect system or one I can fully master, but it's better than being a slave to the shifting winds.

previousbunt signemailnext


Don't read too much into the philosophy behind this entry. I haven't completely given up on the idea of my own happiness, and by extension yours. It's just part of my overall one-corner-at-a-time method of cleaning out the cobwebs. If one person is nice to/smiles at/helps one other person, by definition the world has just become a better place. The meaning of life can't be reduced down much further than that.


If you'd like to read what a friend has to say about meeting me, go here.

Recent recommendations can always be found on the links page.

One year ago: I Thaw It All
"I wanted to give up, and I really thought I was giving up, but for some reason I couldn't just leave the job half done."

Subscribe to the notify list to be advised when this site is updated.