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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I think Iím ready for a change. The trouble is, I donít know exactly what I want to change, or how, or even why.

Change my job? Not now! Not when Iím just starting to see the promise of eighteen years of loyalty and hard work becoming reality. Writing me into the partnership that owns The Kennel might have been a way to keep me working a little harder for a little longer, but it includes its own reward, assuming I live long enough to collect it. It might be only an illusion of security, but thatís a whole lot more than Iíve ever had before.

Maybe I could change the way I do my job, though. I know I could do better at time management, and I could catch up on my filing and try to stay better organized. That would make things a little better around here, but itís really not the change I had in mind.

Change where I live? No way! Not unless I have to, because this is the place Iíve been wanting all my life. Itís safe, itís secluded, and best of all itís quiet. Iíve lived in apartments in town, and Iíd be devastated if I had to go back to that situation. I have a place in the country that I can afford, a place where nobody looks over my shoulder (or peeks in my blinds). I wouldnít trade that for a deluxe apartment in the sky.

Maybe I could rearrange the furniture, though. I could surely keep the house less cluttered and better organized. Iím too deep in debt to think about new stuff, but I can get a lot of mileage out of the old stuff, and I wouldnít get tired of it as easily if I could just be a little more creative about the way I use the space Iím in. Still, thatís not exactly the change I thought I needed when I started thinking about this.

26 January 2005

Cloud puppy. (Or Pippi?)

What I really need to change is my attitude. I have things pretty good, you know? I donít want to get down on my job, just because the end-of-the-year stresses are a little more relentless than usual. I donít want to let the mud and weeds blind me to what a paradise I have out here in the wilderness.

I donít have much to complain about, when I think of all I have instead of all I want or all I think I need. Yeah, keep up with the to-do list and switch the chair and sofa around. Then shut up and enjoy a better life than you probably deserve, and a better one than most people can claim. Take a look inward, and if you want to change something, change that.

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This little pep talk is brought to you by the fact that I felt a kind of malaise hovering over me today, and not only could I not shake it, I couldnít even figure out where it came from. Disclaimer: This by no means commits me to hearts-and-flowers happy little journal entries for the rest of my life. Nobody expects that, or even wants it.

Recent recommendations can always be found on the links page.

One year ago: Sunday Song
"Reading! For pleasure! For the first time since the lights went out on New Year's Day, I think."

Two years ago: Crowded Out
"But nothing horrible happened, the earth is still rotating on its axis, we're not at war yet, spring training starts in three weeks, and in the end I can be happy with how things turned out today."

Three years ago: Refrigerated
"I made up several conversations in my head in which I was highly indignant over having to put up with his callous attitude."

Four years ago: Input/Output
"I hated that movie so much, it makes me want to see it again. It couldn't have been that bad. I must have missed something."

Five years ago: When You Care Enough
"Polar bear with a boom box."

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