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Saturday, August 24, 2002

I learned a few things while watering with my new hose this afternoon. First, it's no better than my old hose, which I should have been using all summer instead of waiting for a miracle. Second, it's going to take a lot more time than I've been devoting to it (and probably more time than I can afford) to get the garden back to green again.

Perfect Hose

How can it be a "Perfect Hose" if I have so many parts left over?

The idea of a flat garden hose makes so much sense, until you actually own one. I have a few tips, if you're thinking of getting one. When you're unspooling the hose from its stand, don't get it too close to the honeysuckle vine, because as the hose unwinds, leaves and twigs will get tangled up in the mechanism and before you know it you're stuck. You have to pull out the loose growth and move to another area of the yard to unwind the hose the rest of the way.

Also, if you're thinking the flat hose is going to stay flat while you're using it, how do you think the water is going to get from the faucet to the nozzle? From my experience today, I can testify that it goes through the hose itself, making it much less flat. In fact, it makes it just as round as any rubber or plastic hose in that pile of old hoses behind the garage, the ones you threw away because they have holes in them that soak you every time you try to use them.

As you're watering the garden, the formerly flat now round hose has as much tendency to kink as any other hose. It gets caught on sprinkler heads and dragged through the muddy spots. And whenever it scrapes over the sharp edge of a paving stone, you have to wonder if the fabric is strong enough not to tear. In other words, the only possible advantage of the flat hose is that it's easier to store. Right?

Yeah, well try rolling up a hose that's full of water. Now try rolling it up flat. It doesn't work. Now try getting all the water out of a hose so you can roll it up flat. It's not worth it. My new flat hose will stay round and unwound until the rainy season starts in November. Why this is a better solution than an old fashioned garden hose is becoming more of a puzzlement with every moment that passes.

Tonight the flat hose sits in a round pile next to the faucet in the corner of the garden. The device they sent with it to roll it up is already starting to collect dust and cobwebs in the garage. But the garden got a good soaking, and somehow I'll find the time to keep it from drying out again. Maybe some of the dying plants will come back, or maybe something else will grow in their place.

Now that I'm at peace with the disappointment, I can relax and enjoy the therapeutic value of watering the garden. It takes a little of the edge off the disenchantment of getting soaked for the price of a new hose that isn't quite as miraculous as advertised.

yeah, right

Well, it's definitely a hose. Not exactly perfect, though.

All of this trauma could have been spared me if I'd seen Jann's June 18 entry in Sweet Aspirations in time. (And thanks to kind reader Sylvia for sending me there.)

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