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Thursday, April 19, 2001

How hard do you think it is for me to go into the grocery store and buy veggie mix, and not donuts? It's getting easier. The first time or two after I started the latest diet, I was drawn to the bakery department, because that was always my first stop whenever I'd drop in for a couple of items.

Yogurt, four-bean salad, and two glazed donuts. Diet soda, skim milk, and two buttermilk bars. Baking potatoes, no-pulp orange juice, and two apple fritters. That kind of thing.

It is getting easier. It would be helpful if the bakery weren't next to the produce section, but I guess that can't be helped. The Eskimo Pies are across the aisle from the Lean Pockets, and I've managed to get past that impediment. I'm a better person for it. Not thinner (or richer or smarter), but better.

There's no need to worry that I'm starving myself, but I've been able to resist grazing unconsciously in the kitchen. I catch myself thinking about it and remind myself that I don't have to eat every time food crosses my mind. I try to wait until I'm hungry, and then eat whatever takes the edge off. Luckily, I don't have to worry about anyone else's needs and can eat whatever, whenever.

That makes for an interesting diet, sometimes. Sometimes lunch is two fig bars, and dinner is a bowl of chopped broccoli / cauliflower / celery blend, with maybe three spoonfuls of Stonyfield Farm French vanilla yogurt before bed, to get me through the night. Okay, maybe it's not all that interesting. It does sound like I'm having fun, though, doesn't it?

This diet has become easy for me, because it's a negative effort. I can make myself not do something much better than I can force myself to take positive action. A self-improvement project that forces me to take action, like making a phone call or actually going somewhere, has less chance of success. I haven't even taken a class at the junior college for a year and a half.

The last movie I went to was Billy Elliot. I haven't seen a single film that was released this year. Community theater thrives in Santa Rosa, but I can't remember the last time I went to a play. And the only time I've gone out of town was to a baseball game, on a bus.

So that's my next project. Once I get myself feeling right, with the weight thing going in the right direction, I'll work on getting out more. I'm not saying it'll be easy. Inertia is so comfortable. I like my house in the country, and my 200 channels and my painfully slow dial-up Internet connection. A lot of the time I'd rather watch the birds in my garden than any of the movies in current release.

But I could stand to be out where people gather, once in awhile, even if it's just for a trip to the mall or a mosey in the park. And I'm waiting for the fall class schedule, because I plan to sign up for something (I just have no idea what).

lamb's ears

The exercise program is progressing slowly, too. I'm running up and down the stairs just eight times, but that's two more than I started with a week ago.

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