I'm living in a land between light and shadow. I'm not controlling the vertical or the horizontal. I'm so overwhelmed with trying to do everything at once that I find myself standing in the middle of the room staring at nothing, thinking about nothing. Doing nothing.
Some of the time.
The rest of the time I'm doing four things at once, none of them well, and still thinking about nothing. Autopilot. My job is not getting the attention it needs, and I'm afraid I'll miss some due dates or forget to follow up on collecting on our bills. I have a list, but it's just a list. It doesn't do the work for me.
Moving. I'm randomly filling whatever boxes I can get my hands on with whatever will fit. I make one or two trips a day to the new place. I even managed to put some kitchen things away today, but most of what I've already moved will have to stay in boxes until I know what I'm doing there.
On the other hand, those pesky phone calls that I hate so much haven't been done yet. The one I have made is to PG&E, to get the utilities changed over. But I still have to arrange for garbage and cable service, as well as ... Hmmm, maybe that's all. Well, that's not so bad, is it?
What else? While working and packing, I tried to enjoy the Giants' home opener in their new ballpark today, but it wasn't easy. For one thing, they lost to the hated Dodgers, and for another, baseball is a game best enjoyed in a state of relaxed concentration, and that seems miles beyond my grasp these days. The TV was on, but I can't tell you much about what happened.
I spent some time last night paying my personal bills, but with two rent checks to pay this month, I won't be able to keep all my creditors off my back. Another paycheck next week will go a long way toward improving my comfort level. I don't much like being broke, especially when I have a drawer full of bills.
And I still haven't figured my own taxes. I spent three months getting the Company's tax information ready to go to the accountant, but I haven't even looked at my 1040 form. It's good April 15 falls on a Saturday this year, because that gives me a couple of extra days. I need all the extra time I can find.
Here's how bad things are: Eric offered me a chance to go with him to tomorrow night's game at Pacific Bell Park, the Giants against the (hated) Dodgers. I had to turn him down. Now, there is almost nothing in this world I'd rather do that go to a baseball game with Eric, but I feel so beyond coping right now that I knew I couldn't manage it.